"Sometimes you have to lose yourself to find yourself." ~Paulo Coelho
I have discovered that fear is a fundamental root cause of the imbalances and diseases within myself. This realization has been both enlightening and daunting, as it uncovers layers of vulnerability I hadn’t fully acknowledged.
Fear, known as “bhaya” in Sanskrit, is a powerful emotion that can rob us of our ability to be present in the moment. Instead of living in the now, fear propels us into a future that hasn’t happened yet, creating anxiety and unrest. As someone inclined towards the fiery pitta dosha, fear sets off an internal alarm that compels me to exert control over my surroundings and circumstances. This instinctive reaction is an attempt to stave off the unknown and manage the unpredictability of life.
However, this approach becomes problematic when our bodies and minds betray us. When illness strikes, control is stripped away, leaving us feeling helpless and vulnerable. For me, this loss of control was particularly devastating. I found myself unable to trust my own mind and body, the very foundations upon which my identity was built seemed to crumble.
In the realms of mental stability, physical health, and addiction recovery, self-trust is paramount.
Without it, the path to healing becomes obscured and difficult to navigate. It wasn’t until a seemingly mundane event that I truly grasped the extent of my lost self-trust. One day, I decided to take a motorized scooty to a nearby waterfall. The road was poorly paved and narrowed at several points, presenting a challenge I would have previously met with confidence.
As I navigated the rough terrain, I felt my body responding appropriately, yet my mind hesitated. I questioned my abilities, despite knowing I had successfully driven on similar roads before. This hesitation was a stark reminder of how much self-assurance I had lost due to my illness. Each deep breath, each prayer, and every gentle word of encouragement I gave myself was a testament to the internal struggle I was facing.
When I finally arrived at the waterfall, I dismounted in a state of disbelief. The journey had revealed to me how much of myself I had lost in the process of getting sick. But as I scrambled to the top of the waterfall under the scorching sun, a profound realization dawned on me: I had to lose parts of myself to reach this deeper place within.
This journey of forgetting what I once knew to relearn and discover what I needed to know was transformative. The pranic breaths, the silent requests for universal guidance, and the kind affirmations to myself were not just coping mechanisms; they were indicators of the growth I had cultivated deep inside. This process was essential for rebuilding self-trust and finding contentment within.
Standing at the top of the waterfall, the pure contentment I felt was a quiet but powerful recognition of my inner strength and resilience. The pride I saw in my reflection was a self-congratulatory nod to my journey and the progress I had made.
I wish for everyone to experience this same contentment as they navigate their own inner journeys. In today’s fast-paced world, it is easy to get lost in fear and lose sight of our inner strength. Remember, losing yourself is sometimes necessary to find the deeper truths within. Embrace the journey, trust yourself, and know that healing and growth are always within reach.
